In life we are in a constant state of change, not just physical changes but emotional changes as well, and let's not forget the soul.
Dystonic muscles were not always a part of my life. I could walk, jump, run and scamper with the best of them. Little hints of what to come were there but not recognized as a future nemesis. For the most part the body gave what it was supposed to, and I accepted the rewards without question. I made it through the teen years, worked, and had lots of fun in between. Next came the married with kids years, where I am very thankful that I was able to raise me kids without my mobility disorder plaguing me.
Once it was confirmed that there was a neuromuscular problem, something in me changed. My persona became different and at times unrecognizable. In the early years I was outgoing by nature, never meeting a stranger, and in truth I probably scared many away with my constant chatter. I lived life out in the open, always ready for some fun. However, when my symptoms began my personality began to change as well. With each stumble and fall, a small fraction of me changed with my confidence level starting to wane. I became aware of crowds, and I felt embarrassed to walk in front of them. The first time that happened I was totally shocked. I was a person who in her former life could talk to a crowd of a thousand people without any problem. With each phase of my disease I changed a little more. I used to love to go to Starbucks and get a treat, but when I'm in between Botox shots for my voice I shy away. My husband tells me to just drive up and tell them what I want, but that's easier said than done. I am now shy, and I worry what others will think. I know I shouldn't, but I do!
With my mind and body changing another part has changed as well, my soul. My soul is who I am, good or bad. The inner me now looks at life a bit differently. I treasure every moment of this beautiful world, and I thank God for letting me live in the time of medical miracles. No longer do I worry and stress about the small stuff. I am more empathetic towards people and less judgmental. I am in no way thankful for my disease! I would much rather be healthy, but my disease has forever changed me; mind, body, and soul.
How have you been changed?